Forgiving But Not Forgetting

Forgiveness is rooted in love, which is the fruit of forgiveness. Forgiveness starts with love, and it results in love. God is of love, and He came to earth in the form of man (Jesus) not only to love all humans but also to ask all humans to love one another. 

^““Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Matthew 22: 37-39 

Instead of giving humans the punishment they deserve, Jesus Christ paid for all their sins and all their wrongs “as far as the east is from the west.” So, no matter what, forgiving self is crucial.

Forgiving Others     

Forgiving self is forgiving wrongs done to others, while forgiving others is forgiving wrongs done to self. Maybe the former is easier than the latter.

As an illustration of forging others, on September 24, 2016, runner and cyclist Dean Otto was struck by a car driven by Will Huffman, a 27-year-old salesman, with his buddy on their way to a football game. The crash left Dean Otto paralyzed.

After assessing Otto’s condition, Dr. Matt McGirt told the Otto family that Dean Otto was 99 percent likely going to spend the rest of his days in a wheelchair. It was sad and scary news for the Otto family.

But Otto was never scared—or even resentful. Instead, he said a private prayer and instantly forgave Will Huffman. Otto said: “I knew if I didn’t, the resentment would eat me alive.”

After the surgery on his spine performed by Dr. Matt McGirt, Otto began his miraculous recovery. As a matter of fact, a few hours after the surgery, Otto was able to wiggle his toes.

Through Facebook, Will Huffman and his wife were finally able to contact Otto’s family, who welcomed them graciously with open arms.

Huffman was not surprised that Otto would forgive him, but he didn’t expect or imagine that they would become good friends afterwards. Huffman even said: “I think most people would stop there and say, ‘Nice meeting you, but I’m done.’”

Dr. Matt McGirt was also inspired by their close friendship, and he earnestly believed that it was Otto’s attitude, forgiveness, and loving-kindness that had brought about his phenomenal recovery. The doctor also remarked: “He not only turned lemons into lemonade, but he’s selling that lemonade, too.” Otto raised $11,000 for Carolinas Rehabilitation’s LIFE Program for spinal cord injury patients.

On July 22, 2017, Otto, Huffman, and Dr. McGirt reunited and they all participated in a half-marathon race. The event was widely reported in the media all over the United States.

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13

Not Forgetting

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to the victim.

Not forgetting the harm done can free the victim from any further and future control of the victimizer. Not forgetting means continual praying for forgiveness that might even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy, and compassion for the victimizer.

Not forgetting the circumstances may help the victim learn valuable lessons from them to avoid any future wrongdoing.

Not forgetting helps remembering healing rather than hurting. More importantly, God gives humans what they need, and not what they deserve.

The Bottom Line

Becoming a Person of Faith

Becoming a person of faith, you’ll also look at living very differently. For example, if your parents asking you to tell a “white lie”, such as saying you “love” some food that you really don’t like, you must say "no" because of God’s truth. Your faith will also stop you from forming the habit of lying in your life.

On the other hand, if your parents or those around you are controlling, dominating, and even abusive, your faith will help you respond positively. God says you should not only “honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12), but also “obey” them. Your obedience may not lead to their “love” and “approval” of you, but it will lead to the help of the Holy Spirit in changing them. Remember: God is “a father to the fatherless.” (Psalm 68:5) 

So, surrender your will to God, and let His Holy Spirit  work in your heart throughout your life. The next step to take is forgiving your loved ones for their abuse and wrongdoings and praying for them. Then, let go of any expectation of their immediate change of misbehavior; instead, accept them as who they are with their imperfections, and cultivate your love and compassion for them. So, continue to focus your own relationship with God to experience your own healing. Your faith in Christ gives you salvation and hope not just for yourself but also for the repentance of your loved ones. Yes, as a believer, you could be the light that leads your unsaved or wayward loved ones to their own repentance and salvation. God can do anything and everything in your life. With God’s love, just wait and be patient.

Without God’s love, an unbeliever could become so obsessed and preoccupied with the thing loved that would lead to an irrational act. 

An Illustration

 A 10-year-old boy shot and killed his mother on November 21, 2022. The boy allegedly claimed that he took the gun from his mother’s bedroom down to the basement, where his mother was doing her laundry. Initially, he claimed that he was twirling the gun around his fingers when it went off and “accidentally” killed his mother.

But, according to The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, the boy later confessed that he carried out the heinous act out of his irrational anger after his mother refused to buy him a VR headset. Members of his family further revealed the 10-year-old boy’s many previous episodes of erratic anger and rage issues, such as setting fire at home and causing explosion when his demands were rejected by his mother.

Living by faith: Believe in God who can do anything and everything for you in your everyday life and living. This is your "trust" in God. 

Stephen Lau

The Six-Day War Miracle

God created the Six-Day War Miracle.

God promised Abraham that he would be the father of a great and prosperous nation with millions of people.

But Israel had its people living in slavery in Egypt for generations, had its people wandering in wilderness for years, had its people with Jewish identification decimated and dispersed by the Roman Empire, and had its 6 million Jews killed in the Holocaust by the Nazis during World War II.

But God had not forgotten His chosen people, as evidenced by His many modern miracles, including the Six-Day War Miracle.

On June 5, 1967, a war broke out between Israel and Egypt and other Arab countries in the Middle East. The Egyptians had two times more soldiers, four times more aircrafts, and five times more tanks than the Israelites. The objective of the war was annihilation of the Jews—the “Second Holocaust.”

Given that there was no involvement and no support from Great Britain and the United States, while Egypt was backed up by the Soviet Union, the anticipated annihilation of Israel was certain and imminent.

But a miracle happened. The war lasted only six days. By the end of the day on June 5, Israeli pilots had won full control of the skies over the Middle East. Israel had destroyed 450 planes of Egypt while Israel lost only19 of its 100 planes.

Due to many mistakes and false reports of victories reported by the Egyptians and their allies, the war ended in lightning speed of victory for Israel within six days.

The miracle of the “Six-Day War” continued like the fig tree: Israel not only survived but also thrived, and eventually it was recognized as an independent nation by the United Nation.

Living by faith: God is timeless.  Humans must have patience and perseverance with faith, trust, and obedience in God. Human expectations only distance themselves from God. 

Stephen Lau

miracles

The Chinese Proverbs About Success

The Chinese Proverbs

"Do today's work, today." Traditional

"A kind man sees kindness, the wise man sees wisdom." Book of Changes

"Practice makes for true knowledge." Tuotuo

"Failure is the mother of success." Traditional

"Wanting to know everything is the worst of follies." Zhuang Zi

"To fare well, a man must trust in his feelings." Zhuang Zi

"Better to display your ugliness than to hide your ignorance." Traditional

To succeed, you must set your goals and then take your appropriate actions with no delay and no procrastination. Your knowledge must be focused, instead of diversified, while your emotions must be positive due to anticipated failures.

 Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Doing What Needs to Be Done

 The Chinese Proverbs

"The wise man does not set his mind either at anything or against anything; what is right he will follow." Confucius

"The wise man is satisfied and composed; the mean man is always full of distress." Confucius

Wisdom means having an empty mind with no pre-conceived beliefs. So, if you find yourself having any pre-conceived idea, you must then apply your reverse thinking, which is thinking backward to find out how and where you have your present way of thinking that might have given you prejudice or distorted truth. 

With an open mind, you make your decisions based on your rational thinking that gives you wisdom. True human wisdom means you accept and embrace the good and the bad, while learning valuable lessons from your mistakes. That is how a wise man lives his life without stress and distress. 

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Believing in Yourself

Believing in yourself is self-efficacy. Believing in yourself is confidence in your own ability, knowing what you have to do to win or simply to get what you want in life.

Diane Sawyer once said: “Whatever you want in life, other people are going to want it too. Believe in yourself enough to accept the idea that you have an equal right to it.” 

Believing in yourself is one of the first steps to success in doing anything that becomes the very substance of your confidence. To have confidence, you must set goals, and achieving your goals helps you build more confidence.

But believing in yourself is not easy, especially if you are getting older. You look back and there are so many goals you have not accomplish. Looking back in the past may create negativity in the form of victimization. In other words, you may find you are a victim of circumstances; this may also lead to bitterness, despair, or even anger.

One of the reasons why sometimes you don’t have self-efficacy is your obsession with your past. You could have been haunted by your past failures that generated regrets, bitterness, and disappointments that you have not been able to let go of. Attachment to the past is always a stumbling block to moving ahead. 

In addition, you may also be comparing yourself with others. Remember, nobody is perfect. Others may also have their failures that you are unaware of. You see only their successes but not their failures. Surprisingly, seeing your own imperfections may be the pathway to future success.

The Wisdom of Letting Go

The wisdom of letting go shows you how to use the ancient Tao wisdom from China to live in the present moment, and, more importantly, to let go of the past. With both  human wisdom and spiritual wisdom from the Bible, you may start believing in yourself again. With self-efficacy, you can do anything at any stage of your life, and the sky is the limit. 

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

 

Anything is Everything OR Nothing?

Anything Is Everything OR Nothing?

Living in this material world is all about struggling and surviving. The good news is that it is a human race in which there are really no real winners and losers in the end. But no matter what, we all have to finish that race somehow, with no exception. Just do your very best, and let the Creator do the rest to help you finish your own race with grace and dignity. The wisdom of your body, your mind, and your spirit may awaken and rejuvenate you along the rest of your life journey.

Living is always a discovery process. Life is a journey of self-discovery—finding who you are, why you are here, what you really need, and how you may meet your basic needs, so that you, like every one else, can fulfill some of your life goals and purposes that are exclusively designed for you. But to do just that, you need profound human wisdom and spiritual wisdom to continue that journey as if everything is a miracle.

Albert Einstein once said: “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as if nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is a miracle.”

Indeed, life is a miracle in itself. Being alive is a miracle. Having your breaths is already a miracle. Everything in life is a miracle.

To truly believe and appreciate the miracle of life, you need the wisdom to grasp the full meaning of anything is everything, everything is nothing, and nothing is everything—they may all ultimately lead to your self-awakening, without which you will continue to live as if nothing is a miracle.

What is meant by “anything is everything”? It may have different meanings and different interpretations to different individuals.

First of all, human perceptions are subjective and individualized: they are affected not only by the five senses, but also by the unique experiences of an individual, as well as by the indelible memories of those experiences retained in the mind of that individual. Therefore, what is important to you may not be as important to others, and vice-versa. For this reason, anything could be everything to you, but not to others.

An illustration

Near the end of 2016, a road rage occurred in Arkansas that ended in the tragic death of a 3-year-old child. 

A woman, with her 3-year-old grandson sitting at the back of her car, stopped at a stop sign. A man in the car right behind honked her for not starting her car immediately, but the woman honked back; thus the road rage began with the man firing a gun shot at the back of the woman’s car.

Stopping too long at a stop sign,  or wanting to get to a place on time might be everything to the man. Having the right to remain where she was might also be everything to the woman, so she naturally honked back.  

Unfortunately, that anything-is-everything incident ended in tragedy—the death of the woman’s three-year-old grandson being shot dead while sitting at the back of her car.

In real life, anything could be everything to real people—it all depends on their respective perspectives of anything is everything.

A frog in a well

In many ways, many of us are just like a frog in a well, looking up at the limited sky above, in that we see only ourselves, and no one else, and therefore anything is everything to us. In other words, we see only our own needs and desires that have to be fulfilled and gratified no matter how, but without seeing those in others.

Just like the man in the car rage who saw only his own need to get going, but without even considering why the woman might be stalling her car at the stop sign and not moving ahead right away.

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Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau