Loving Others

Loving Others

Loving others leads to the understanding of “oneness with all life”—humans are inter-connected with one another. Understanding this basic law of nature that “no man is an island” and all humans are somehow "connected" with one another enables the alignment of the body, the mind, and the soul to live in this complex and complicated world.

“Oneness with all life” leads to the love of others around and to the awareness of the presence of God or that of a Higher Being. Genuine love of others is the first step toward spirituality.

Empathy and Sympathy

Empathy is more than just sympathy. It’s a deep understanding of the painful experiences of another individual that are as meaningful as one’s own because either one has experienced them, or one can somehow realistically put oneself in that individual’s shoes. Sympathy, on the other hand, is only an acknowledgment of another individual’s tragic and traumatic emotions and feelings, as well as an offering of comfort and assurance to that individual.

Empathy is inherent human goodness that may not be easily expressed as sympathy due to lack of courage. 

Sympathy involves only an understanding of another individual’s problems, such as what it’s like to be poor without a job or to be abused physically by someone, while one may still somehow "distance" oneself from that individual. But empathy, on the other hand, involves one’s feeling that individual’s heart in one’s own heart and seeing that individual’s problems with one’s own eyes. Empathy is not a natural human habit; it must be cultivated and developed before it can exist in the heart and the mind.

An Illustration

There was a Jewish story of a man who died and was shown two images in both heaven and hell, in which people were sitting at both sides of a long table with a meal before each of them.  He noticed that the people in hell were starving, because each of them had a spoon that was "much too long" to fit into his or her own mouth. However, the people in heaven were well-fed, because each was using the same long spoon to feed the person across the table.

Compassion and Loving-kindness

Compassion means “suffering together.” It’s an emotion or a feeling that arises when one is seeing another individual’s intense suffering, such that one feel motivated to relieve the suffering from that individual.

Loving-kindness is an act of kindness, motivated by love, and expressed to one’s fellow human beings. Loving-kindness is expressed in human behaviors. To optimize this behavior, one develops a mindset for love and care, which should become a habit or second nature.

Loving-kindness is also an act of love that one consciously expresses to another individual simply because that individual has the same desire to be happy and to avoid suffering. Accordingly, one’s response reflects one’s own love for that individual, irrespective of the misbehavior of that individual toward one. However, that doesn’t imply that one should accept, approve, or even condone the inappropriate behavior of that individual.

Loving-kindness is an attempt to change the inappropriate behavior of that individual, irrespective of the outcome, because the attempt is out of one’s compassion and love for that individual.

Follow the practice of Dalai Lama, the Tibetan spiritual leader. According to Dalai Lama, on the very first meeting with any individual, he trains himself to feel that the individual is simply “a fellow human being with the same desire to be happy and to avoid suffering as myself.” With that oneness-of-all mindset, Dalai Lama then becomes immediately “connected” to everybody, without any exception.

Also, follow in the footsteps of C.S. Lewis, author, and intellectualist, who shows how one can “discipline” any negative emotions by giving another person “a big smile” and behaving as if he were a “loving” person.

Living by faith: Showing empathy and sympathy, as well as compassion and loving-kindness to those around you is a strong testament to your faith and obedience to your loving God. 

Stephen Lau