Conflicts and Aggressions

The complexity of human relationships is the source of conflicts and aggressions. 

Your actions, especially the negative ones, are often based on your knowledge of self and of others, which is often incomplete and inadequate. Many people hardly know themselves, let alone the emotional needs of others.

So, always be mindful of the needs of others first, instead of just those of your own, and that is always the way to avoid all human conflicts.

Self-specialness

Contemporary culture focuses too much on self-centeredness that fosters the belief that “I am special” or reinforces the “mine-is-better” attitude. The net result is that you now begin to believe that your own convictions do carry more weight than those of others, who should then listen to you. So, be mindful of your self-centeredness, which is the root cause of your bias, prejudice, and non-acceptance of others.

The reality

All conflicts and aggressions—both internal and external—will arise from time to time, and they are all unstoppable, unless you deliberately and purposely let go of them. So, all conflicts and aggressions can be resolved, and sanctity can be restored if you are always soft and flexible, instead of being hard and resistant.

Freedom

You have your freedom to overcome your fear of being rejected by others. Your freedom is your choice to accept the good and the bad in yourself as well as in others around you. Remember, nobody is perfect, and you just cannot take the good and reject the bad.

You have your freedom to avert your conflicts with others through your awareness to seek and validate the so-called “truths” perceived by your distorted thinking mind living in your flesh.

Bondage

Not accepting the imperfections in others will hold you in your bondage of your incapability of growing and developing good relationships with others.

Your “distorted” perceptions of self and of others is your bondage to your conflicts and disharmony with others.

1.5. Harmony

Knowing the importance of internal balance and harmony holds the key to having good relationships with your family, your friends, your colleagues, and, most importantly, your loved one or your marriage partner.  

The ancient Chinese philosophy of life and living may throw some light on the role of balance and harmony in good human relationships.

The Five Elements

Thousands of years ago, the Chinese began to use the Five Elements to describe interactions and relationships between things that happened in human lives.

According to the ancient Chinese wisdom, the Five Elements were wood, fire, earth, metal, and water, and now they are still believed to be the fundamental elements of everything in the universe, between which interactions occur, and thus creating the balance and the harmony.

The Five Elements balance and complement one another to create internal balance and harmony. And this is how:

Water nourishes trees or wood.

Without wood, there will be no fire (which burns wood).

Without fire burning wood, there will be no earth (the ashes from the burnt wood).

Without earth, there will be no metal (from the earth itself). 

Likewise, your relationships with others should also need internal balance and harmony.

A natural cycle

These Five Elements also create a natural cycle of all things, both visible and invisible:

Fire heats metal to produce water; without metal, there will be no water; without water, there will be no tree or wood; without fire, there will be no earth. Fire melts metal; metal cuts wood; wood separates earth; earth absorbs water; water smothers fire. 

The wisdom is that all things follow a natural cycle: what goes up must also come down.  That is, success is followed by failure, just as life is inevitably followed by death. The wisdom is to accept and embrace anything and everything without any resistance.

The truth is to learn valuable lessons from them, such as letting go of your past failed relationships, and to develop your resilience to survive and thrive in your present marriage or love relationship.

The characters and characteristics of the Five Elements are as follows:

Fire: charismatic; eloquent; energetic; passionate; and volatile.

Wood: aggressive; ambitious; always challenging; and competitive.

Earth: caring and loving; compassionate and empathetic; reliable and resilient.

Metal: brave; faithful; intellectually sharp; methodical; organized; righteous; and self-disciplined.

Water: adaptable; determined; forceful; self-sufficient; and strong-willed.

Self-help

So, if you believe in the balance and harmony of the Five Elements, and how they may affect your relationships with others, then find out which Element you and others may belong to so that you may have a better understanding of others’ characters and their personalities.To find out on the Internet, you need to know the year that you and others were born, as well as the animal that you and others belong to.

There are altogether 12 animals:

Wood: Tiger and Rabbit.

Fire: Snake and Horse.

Earth: Ox, Dragon, Goat, and Dog.

Metal: Monkey and Rooster.

Water: Pig and Rat.

Think about your own nature with reference to the Five Elements. Are you strong and independent like metal, bold and pioneering like wood, soft and flexible like water, fiery and passionate like fire, or nurturing and receptive like earth?

The reality 

No matter what, internal balance and harmony is the essence of any good human relationship.

What you see in everyone and everything around you reflects you, or what is inside you. Neither is internal peace a myth, nor are internal conflicts a condition of existence. Inner peace is an acquired state of the mind that recognizes the importance of internal balance and harmony.

So, how do you have internal balance and harmony within yourself?

Look deep inside you to have a better understanding of what you really seek in your marriage partner, or from other individuals, including your children and close members of your family. Always use your consciousness of breath to go deep into your inner being with your mindfulness. Practice meditation every day.

When your mind is quiet—in absence of the fear of the sound of silence—your mind can then experience your clarity of thinking  to enable you to know yourself better to develop your good relationships with others.

Freedom

Your freedom to use your understanding of your own personality and that of others may maintain your internal balance and harmony to avoid many conflicts and disagreements. 

Bondage  

Your bondage to your everyday stress is often a result of the lack of internal balance and harmony in yourself.

Living by faith: God gives you love and peace. Your faith provides you with strength to suppress your anger and negative emotions.

Stephen Lau